Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
