Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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