I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
