So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
