Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
