Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize