This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
