I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
