My first STD was from a foam party
I wish I only lived at night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
