I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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