She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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