My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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