Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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