Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
