He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
