Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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