She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
