I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
