why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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