your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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