I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
