I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
