I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
