Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
