Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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