where am i from again
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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