Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
