I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
