His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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