I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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