Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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