I want to have your abortion
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Randomize
