I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
