i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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