i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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