remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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