i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
