I can tuck mytits in my pants
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
