I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
