I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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