all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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