Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
