no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
