the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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