We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
