the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
