i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
