We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
