And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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