Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
