Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
