his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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