Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
