I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just want to make out with him forever
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Come on in and take your pants off
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