I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
