I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
