dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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