I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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