I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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