remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
